Mother of three and spouse, I always have my hands full. But I am much more than just those things...
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February 7, 2016

Why Some Abuse Survivors Do Not Go On To Work With Other Abuse Victims

I have heard it most of my life. "You would make a great counselor, you could help so many people."

People only have to hear one story from my past and they all reach the same conclusion, that I should be using my past to help others with their future. The idea used to be exciting to me, now hearing that statement makes me cringe.

No, I'm not going to work in the field of helping other abuse victims and survivors. My reasons are purely selfish.

For years I followed the lead of these promptings. The thought of helping others who may have to walk in my shoes was exciting to me. Maybe I could help save someones life, you know, like Super Woman! But this is not reality. After spending most of my life trying to appease others and what they thought was best for me, I finally realized different at 35 years of age.

What about what I wanted? I had goals before any of my abuse. I had dreams. Am I supposed to just give up on those? I am certain most people would argue that of course I am not supposed to do that. And I do not intend to give up my dreams either, not now that I finally have them back.

I graduated college in 2013 as a Substance Abuse Counselor. Everyone was so proud. I thought for sure I was going to use this degree to save someones life. But it did not take long for me to realize, my passion really lies in what happens after there is a terrible outcome from addiction, and other life circumstances.

I am now in college for Mortuary Science. I want to help those who no longer have a voice. Because of my past abuse, I am more comfortable around the dead than I am the living. This field is not for everyone and some people shutter at the thought. Many people immediately regret asking me what I am in school for because they either do not want to face their own mortality or they just do not know how to discuss death.

No matter how much we try to avoid it, put it off and pretend it does not exist, death is the ultimate achievement for all of us. It deserves to be one of the most amazing and beautiful events of our life. Without those of us that have a passion for making this happen, and that are not bothered by the work, who else would handle this otherwise often traumatic time?

So when others suggest I work with other abuse victims, am I not already? Not all of us survive. Who else is going to care about those that do not get the chance to continue to live their lives?

This is why I choose not to go into the counseling or mental health field. I feel pretty good about my decision.

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